4.09.2007

There's Beauty in the Breakdown

It's possible I'm nuts, but hopefully, there are others out there (possibly only women) that go through their adult lives and occasionally get to a point where they just need to throw an adult-sized temper tantrum. I've been known to do this on a rare occasion and one of those occasions was this past Saturday. As I've thought about it I feel like I wasted a perfectly good Saturday during a long weekend away from work, but now I think it wasn't a waste but a good thing (although Seth might disagree).

Not to get into the dirty details, but it all started Saturday morning not more than 30 minutes after I had gotten up (still in PJs) and was eating my bowl of cereal. Three was on one side of my lap and Seth on the other and one thing led to another and Three jumped across my lap (under my cereal bowl) towards Seth. She bumped her head on the bottom of my cereal bowl which threw cold milk and slimy flakes all over me - face, torso, lap and couch which meant I was sitting in cold milk. For whatever reason that event was like popping the cork on the champagne bottle for me and after an ugly scene I went upstairs, rinsed off and spent the next 4 hours in bed being angry, hurt, and bitter.

I spent part of that 4 hours asleep and the rest thinking about why I had gotten so mad and trying to decide if I was right or wrong or if was Seth right or wrong. He really hadn't done anything except not keeping Three occupied while I was eating and of course Three didn't do it on purpose. Anyway, I'll skip the resolution as that is private emotional detail that should remain between husband and wife, but we talked it out and eventually I was reduced to a big ball of tears that I couldn't seem to stop. Eventually, Seth fell asleep and I left him to nap as I'm sure my emotional outburst had worn him out. I felt horrible for taking up so much time but I must've just been storing anger or frustrations and they all came out around 10am Saturday morning.

By Saturday night, I was much better and what amazed me was that I felt connected to my hubby again. I cooked us a yummy dinner and we even popped in "Cast Away" (it was on TV and we were inspired to watch from the beginning) which is the first movie we ever connected over during our infamous 4 hour phone conversations in the wee-stages of our relationship. That movie always makes me cry in 2 spots - 1. when Wilson floats away and Tom Hanks bawls over his loss while laying on his raft, 2. When Chuck and Kelly realize they can't be together but Kelly tells him he's the love of her life. How frustrating! Anyway, it was nice to snuggle on the sofa and watch the movie we fell in love over.

Lesson learned: There IS beauty in the breakdown and that breakdown was mine on Saturday. I must subconsciously store up anger, hurt and frustration, but I'm not sure where it all comes from. I honestly think the majority comes from my work environment. I do actually like to come to work and be productive with the mindless chores I'm responsible for, but it's the phone calls that kill me and I believe have killed a part of "me." Who knows, it's tough, but it's made me tougher I'm sure but that fact certainly doesn't make it any easier. I think in a crazy way, when I come to these points of extreme emotional outburst, it really is nice to have Seth on my team. He's a good comforter whether he thinks so or not. With Diggle and Seth I can't go wrong.

No comments:

Post a Comment