This is probably the most pathetic post ever, but it comes and goes in my thoughts and I just felt like writing it down (er, typing). SO. Seth and I got married in 2005 and according to all of our guests it was beautiful and very nice. While I mostly agree, I'm still critical of the event to this day. I know it's a silly thing to even care that much about - since after all it is the marriage that's most important, but the "designer" in me can't let it go and still see it as somewhat of a failure (well, that's a harsh word, but I don't know of a better one).

My college friends started getting married as early as 2001 (we graduated in 2000) and their wedding planning began as early as September 2000 so I had been in and out of dreaming about planning my own wedding someday (even when I had no significant other). It really seemed like something I'd never reach and something I'd never get to experience, but once it was my turn it was like, "Woah, this is real and I have to make real plans." We opted for a longer engagement and took 13 months to plan our wedding. Today, I wish I had taken 2 years! haha. Some of the details that were so important to me BEFORE I was engaged and during the early months of planning just got lost or dropped towards the end. Here's a brief list (it's long actually) of things I wish I'd done or done differently:

1. Outdoor wedding (maybe at the beach or The Highgrove Estate in Fuquay) in early spring during the DAY!
2. Dress that was more fitted (more like mermaid shape) and cathedral-length veil
3. Gotten a tan
4. Had bride/groom photos taken BEFORE the ceremony (since my wedding planners ruined our session after the wedding!!!!)
5. Used a smaller, older, prettier church/ceremony site and filled it up with flowers
6. Carried a bridal bouquet with COLOR!
7. Taken the time to make my own invitations (like I had planned to!)
8. Lost more weight
9. Had bridal portraits done at a better location
10. Not paid so much for a video or the reception or the DJ (I probably should say photos, but Dara was my dream so I don't regret her - just the pics we didn't get)...heck, the whole wedding!
11. Asked for my dream cake
12. Looked around for my dress longer than I did (I chose my dress in one day, talking to one designer, choosing from her small collection of dresses - what was I thinking??)
13. Worn flowers in my hair
14. Taken off my veil for the reception (no one got to see my great hairstyle)
15. Gone to a tropical destination for our honeymoon and taken 2 weeks off!

I know, I know....these things aren't important in the grand scheme of life and I should get over it. Our wedding was like the biggest design project in the world for me so I am/was very protective of some of my ideas that I felt were original. I get defensive if I feel like my ideas are borrowed. One day I'll move on and/or get my second chance when we renew our vows (I know of no other way I'll be satisfied) or I'll just become a wedding planner and live vicariously through others.

For now, it's stupid, but it's even hard for me to watch all those wedding shows on TV. They all seem to enjoy the process more, take their time to pay attention to the details or just created a prettier day than ours was. I'm stupid, but I can't help how I feel about things that are important to me so just get over it


  1. haha you are crazy! You're not stupid...everybody has things they care about. I wish we'd done our honeymoon a little differently, too, but OH WELL, HONEYMOON'S OVER. I never cared much about the details of our wedding...my mom did most of it because I seriously didn't care. Is that terrible?? EEK...I wonder what you thought of my wedding! hehe...I noticed you didn't copy any of MY wedding design hehe :)

  2. Dude, it was the best wedding ever.
    I remember a lot of the McFarlands even saying that, even Uncle Ken. So I can understand your looking back and seeing things you would've wanted, but I'm letting you know, it was freaking awesome.