12.20.2007

A continuation of the front...

It's finally Thursday of this week which has seemed endless. After tomorrow I won't be back to work until January 2nd...which at this point seems REALLY far away. I know that once it gets here, my Christmas vacation will have seemed super-short. I suppose I'll just have to be thankful for each of my 11 days off and realize I'm not at work each and every day.

This has been a really tough week (actually 2 weeks). I don't know what's been going on with me, but I am at the point where I literally don't know that I can continue subjecting myself to this type of work each and every day. To the average person who knows what I do, I'm sure it's easy to say "It can't be that bad," but it is...for me anyway. Having done it for the past 25 months of my life I'm at the end of my rope...seriously. I've got to get out of this environment with a quickness.

At this point it's a matter of finding something else and having the guts to leave no matter how random it may seem to my boss. I'm just exhausted by my work life (which has affected my health, which affects my time away from work) and that's not a good feeling. I want to return to being my old self who had no clue there were people out there working in this type of office talking to the general public who I have learned are all complete and total racist, ignorant, hateful, rude, mean, greedy, lying, spiteful, harassing "humans." It's sad to know what people are really like and really capable of. It makes me want to change them, but I know I can't and that's frustrating.

I want to do something in life that makes me happy by possibly helping others or at least making them happy for a moment. I want to create and bake beautiful breads, cakes and confections - something that NEVER makes anyone frown!! Something people are happy to be a part of and appreciate. Who doesn't appreciate and extra-good slice of cake, or a warm-from-the-oven oversized-cookie or loaf of homemade bread? If baking isn't in my future and I actually make use of the Paralegal certificate I'm working on, then I want to work in an area of law that makes people happy or at least an area in which my help can relieve them of some stress.

I just can't continue being one of 5 punching bags in this office. I am astounded each and every day by the NERVE of the general public. I don't know who raised these fools, but I can guarantee you that THEY are also calling us. It's amazing how many people start off by saying "I am a Christian and I go to church every week" and in their next breath they say "and I'm sick and tired of these 'illegal Mexicans' taking all our health care, food stamps, etc, etc, etc." WOW. Get your facts straight first, and then reconsider telling a stranger you're a Christian if you're only going to turn around and be as un-Christian-like as possible. It's crystal clear to me that people are using the immigration issue as an outlet for their extreme hatred and racism only to pretend they care about a political issue.

It's 8:46am - I just got to work 15 mins ago and these are the thoughts in my mind. Sad.

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