10.08.2008

Winding down during election season

Right now is a huge time of change and transition for me, and a time I've been looking forward to for 3 years.  It's not happening YET, but it's on the horizon and everyday requires thought and consideration of what's to come and how to prepare for the last day(s) of this administration. Yesterday, along with my 4 co-workers, I met with the big boss to discuss transition issues. I has hoping for more information than I got, but until the elections are over, no one really knows what's going to happen, and no one can really make any big moves toward the future. In any case, we talked about jobs and job security, and our feel for what's to come and where we'll be.

For my loyal readers (ha), you know based on previous blog posts, that my job is not what anyone would describe as easy, comfortable, or for that matter, healthy.  I will have been here for 3 years on November 1st and I have no idea how I've managed to make it through.  My husband might argue that I have NOT made it through...at least unscathed. I've changed since I've been here and it hasn't been for the good. The only thing I can look back on and be thankful for is getting to work with nice people, and being forced to really understand how our local, state and federal governments are set up. I will forever value the knowledge I've gained at this job and kick myself in the butt for not knowing it before. Of course, I STILL would never have called a governor's office for answers, help, or to treat someone as my personal punching bag....I'm just sayin'.

I'm actively looking for jobs at this point. I'm willing to admit that I'm 30, have a BA, as well as a certificate in Paralegal Studies and STILL do not know what I want to be when I grow up. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will. Right now, I'm most interested in writing. I know with absolute certainty, that I never ever want to work with the public again. Unless I'm supposed to be working with cheerful, happy folks-....nah, still PASS. I know how brutal other human beings can be, and I wouldn't wish public service on anyone. I want to write and create, and participate with my peers, but I don't want to have to answer to the public. No thank you. I've found a job I'm really interested in although probably do not the most experience although I'm a quick study and could totally handle this job. According to the job description, I qualify; but it would be a step up to a leadership position which, in a way, I think would be good for me. I'm not talking major leader or anything, but certainly more status than I've got now. I'm going to talk to the big boss about it. Hopefully she'll be able to help at least get me an interview.

Transition and change are hard for me, but in the past, I've been able to adapt quickly and deal with it relatively well. Since I've been so plagued by anxiety and fear and panic this year, it's going to be even harder. I have a major fear of even going to a job interview because the last one I went to, I had a panic attack in the middle of and had to cover it up mid-interview. It was terrible. I'm scared to death it'll happen again. I'm working on that with my therapist. I know an interview is inevitable since I will have to have a new job come the end of January (if not before), but I'm still a bit lot scared. I wish I could take 2-3 months off with NO work just to recover and turn back into a normal person, but I've got to get paid, I've got to have health insurance, and I'm sure I'd never want to go back to work if I stopped now. Ah, 'twould be nice.

1 comment:

  1. So we should join the "I don't know what I want to do and am having serious anxiety over it" club. We could be the leaders!

    The perfect job will come along eventually, I TRULY believe that! Job interviews suck because you have to be so vulnerable and put yourself out there and not know if you are going to get rejected or not. When you jump in with two feet is when you experience the best results! I am starting to believe that why do we have to know what we want to do for the REST OF OUR LIVES!?!? I can know what I want to do for the next 5 years. Or the next 6 months, but that thought (about the rest of our lives) is so daunting! Just do what you love right now, and then maybe that will turn in to a great career or maybe it will open doors that would have not ever been open. Good Luck, I know that you can (and will) rock it! I'll be thinking about you!

    Dude..I should so take my own advice..

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