It feels like an eternity since I last posted. In fact, when I checked my calendar, I was actually quite surprised that it has been just 8 days - it seems like weeks! There's a lot to report so here goes.
The week of November 17th was pretty much hell. Starting the night of November 16th, I got 4 or less hours of sleep Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights. I had no idea why I was struck with a sudden bout of insomnia, as sleep has always been no problem for me. For each night I STILL couldn't sleep, I got more and more worked up about it which made sleeping even harder. After the 3rd night of no sleeping, I called my former gynecologist's office to see if they'd fill a prescription for Xanex which my psychologist had suggested. Through some finagling, she agreed to fill it and I was able to get some sleep that night. WHEW. When I called begging for drugs, the nurse also convinced me to come in and meet one of the other doctors so I could have a physical (one for which I am way overdue). My previous doctor retired in August and I haven't gone back since because I had no idea who I wanted to see. The meet-and-greet appointment was for the next morning; it was a meeting mostly for me to get to know her before "signing on" as her newest patient. Luckily, she was awesome, she listened to me, was caring, and actually gave me some news which felt like an answer to my prayers. I found out later that she is also the same doctor of one of my mom's friends who ALSO used to struggle with anxiety. My mom knew she loved her doctor, but could never remember to ask her for her name. It's always nice to get a good referral from a friend and I felt lucky that I had randomly picked the same doctor she was seeing!
So I get to my appointment and after just a few minutes of talking with the doctor about the symptoms I've had with anxiety and other female-type issues, she simply asked if I had ever heard of PCOS? I had to control my urge to scream and cheer and kiss her all at the same time. Oddly enough, I had stumbled upon information about PCOS a while back and thought it sounded like it could be what was wrong with me. I had forgotten about it in the midst of all the anxiety and therapy and la la la la laaaaa. She just looked at me and name several red-flag symptoms of this syndrome and told me it was treatable. Just like that. Simple as that. GAH. I was happy but sort of pissed at the same time. All these years I'd been seeing the other doctor and he never mentioned it! Not even once! MEN!
I left feeling like a new woman. Just to have information to run with. Something to pin down as proof that I'M NOT CRAZY! That something really is physically wrong and that it's fixable and that I might feel better soon. One of the classic signs is weight around the waist. HI! That's me. When I got back to work my boss tells me she's got a friend who has the same thing and once she started a treatment program, the weight just melted off. I sure hope that happens to me, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. This news brought my week to a wonderful close and I felt SO much better about life in general. I'm looking forward to getting the blood tests and then going back in January to talk treatment. I'm holding on to this diagnosis for all it's worth right now.
Important to note is that during the week described above and the following week, I wasn't going to have any meetings with my psychologist. During the last appointment with her, I asked if I could take a couple of weeks off and come back after Thanksgiving. I felt like having to talk about anxiety once a week made me focus TOO MUCH on it and was actually making it worse. She agreed and so I went without for those 2 weeks. I had my first appointment back today and was glad to be able to report some improvements, some news about my female issues, and some news about medications and how things were working.
For some reason, I wasn't looking forward to the appointment at all. I was thinking of asking her if she thought it'd be a good idea if I stopped coming every single week and spaced it out a bit more. Turns out, I didn't have to do the asking because she brought it up herself. She asked me how I thought I should proceed with therapy and counseling and when I told her my feelings she agreed. YAY! I have one more appointment with her on December 16th and after that I'm taking a break for Christmas and will go back sometime in January. There may be a new job in my future* so I told her I'd have to call her later to set up an appointment in January. I was so relieved to see that she agreed and wasn't looking down her nose at me as if I was trying to get out of counseling. I do want to go back as long as I'm still having concerns and issues, but my hope is that by releasing me from the week to week schedule, that I'll start to gain back some confidence and sanity and take a hold of my life by myself. It would be nice.
* More on this later! Stay tuned!