In case you hadn't noticed...

... I've not been posting.  See, I'm mad at my blog and I'm pretty upset with life right now. I am giving the cold shoulder to my blog for a while. I just don't have much to say. I know I shouldn't only feel compelled to write when things are going well, but somehow all the down-in-the-dumps posting has been wearing on me. I'm just tired of having to update as Negative Nelly.

The last time I posted was the day I was informed I was being "let go" and today was my last day of work. It was uneventful and I'm glad it's over. I'll be home tomorrow and then Thursday-Monday we'll be in Black Mountain for a get-away. I just want to get out of Raleigh and leave all this junk behind.

If it's not one thing, it's another, and I feel like I've been beat up on all month. My birthday was sucky, the day after was suckier, and people all around me are acting like idiots and I just don't have time for it. I hate to be totally self-absorbed, but when you're told you're out of a job and given less than a month to find something else, you really don't have time to make time for other's petty crap.

We've had to sell a car to make some wiggle room in our budget, I've had to buy my own insurance which means forking over ~$350 a month for insurance (I've never had to pay for insurance through work), and it just means discomfort in the wallet region for a while.

I've applied for many jobs during my time at the Governor's Office and only one was offered to me - that was last summer - and stupid me turned it down thinking I might move up at a later date. Boy, was I an idiot.

So...I'm not going to write again until I feel like it or have something better to report. It's depressing me to relive life on my computer screen.


Insert expletives where appropriate

In a drastic turn of events, I was informed yesterday that I am being let go from my job at the end of the month.  Shocked doesn't begin to describe my response to this news.

There has been so much stuff going on in this office since day one and all of it has been stupid, ill-advised, non-researched, sloppy, careless, and unorganized. Those are just a few adjectives to start with; I could go on. I was called to the COS's office yesterday for the first time and I had no clue why. Foolishly, I thought perhaps the opposite was going to happen - perhaps they wanted to use my skills elsewhere in the office. Even as he delivered the news to me, I still thought I was being moved. He says, "We are reorganizing the Constituent Services office so therefore we need to ask you to move....." and instead of the end being, "....to a different area of the office" it was simply the word, "on."  I was stunned to the point where I had absolutely no reaction. I miraculous recovered from whatever confusion I felt and said I understood and that was that.

I walked back to my office fighting tears with little success. In fact, my current supervisor was passing me on the street headed to the office from which I had just left and I didn't even see her. I was just in a fog - desperate to get back to the safety of my private office where I could close the door and call my mommy.  I had called Seth and my mom prior to the meeting with hopes of the meeting being a good sign. I was horrified at how very wrong I had been and could hardly speak to deliever the news to my mom. She was speechless.

I have gone through a range of emotions over this. Of all the employees in my small section of 5, why did they choose me? I'm one of the hardest, loyal, and dedicated workers here. I help others without having to be asked. I pick up the slack when people are out on vacation without having to be asked and I do it all without complaining (at least I save my venting for home and keep it out of work). I don't gossip or waste time socializing at work, yet a new employee comes in, refuses to help answer the phones, refuses to do any work until they tell her her title and how much money she will make, demands an office with a window after 2 months of being here and all the while getting her way. And they chose to let ME go? I just can't come to grips with it and I'm angry.

I've been here 3 years and am in my 4th year. We were told we were "safe" back in January so I had no idea this was even a possibility. I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I'm bitter. Yet I dragged myself into work today just to show them. The transition process has been unbelieveably disappointing. I wish I felt like I was "getting out of jail," but I always assumed I'd get to leave by choice not by force.

This place has been a great learning experience and I have come to appreciate the knowledge I've gained, but I am insulted at being the chosen one to be let go. Hell, I developed anxiety disorder doing this job and they let me go. THANKS A LOT!  Good riddance people!


From the desk of a bad blogger

Seriously? I haven't posted since February 9th. Could've fooled me. Ahem.

Since I last posted several things have come up. I am still at my job, but got a call to come in for a second interview at the NCGA. I went last Friday for a short version of the previous interview and it seemed to go well. It was only 30 minutes and I got a chance to meet a few more people, including the newly-named director of the division, and a couple other attorneys who work in the practice area with the team I would be assigned to should I get the job. The practice area is criminal law which sounds cool. They told me it was down to 3 people and I would hear something soon. I'm holding out hope that soon=a week. As always, I'll keep you posted.

I'm due to go to the doctor on Tuesday for my big appointment to talk about me possibly having Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome. I FINALLY woman-ed up and went to LabCorp this morning after postponing it since November. It was a mess. I have to fast and I hate that because not eating in the morning can give me a bad sugar drop. I made Seth go with me in case I had any fainting issues. I get there and just cause a bunch of trouble. The technician got her supervisor to do the draw because I was so anxious. I got to lay on the table rather than sit in the chair and she talked me through it. Glad to have gotten that done. It was weighing heavily on me. Sheesh. I'm ready to go to my doctor now and find out the results and get on a path of treatment and maintenance so I can be a real woman now (and maybe even plan for some kiddos).

Whatelse??? I taught Three to roll over and it's the cutest thing. I want to post a video of it - she's gotten really good at it. It took me about an hour with her before she got the hang of it. Three is so smart, I am so proud of her.

Lastly (and this is still sort of a secret as of today), we bought another new car. We are stupid - or should I say "I" am stupid. We bought a Jetta SportWagen and we're picking it up today. With Three and possible kids in our future, we really enjoy having hauling space and storage room in the car. Three's crate in the back of the CR-V is great because she doesn't take up a human seat in the backseat. It's charcoal grey with grey leather interior. It has a wonderful sunroof that's huge and allows even backseat riders to see out the roof of the car. I'll post photos once we've got the car.

Mostly, I'm anxious to hear from the NCGA - either way. I just want to know if I'm here indefinitely or if I'm going to be moving on. From what I understand, they were checking my references shortly after I left my interview on Friday. That seems like a good thing, but we'll see. I haven't heard anything yet. Keep your fingers crossed for me!