3.06.2009

Insert expletives where appropriate

In a drastic turn of events, I was informed yesterday that I am being let go from my job at the end of the month.  Shocked doesn't begin to describe my response to this news.

There has been so much stuff going on in this office since day one and all of it has been stupid, ill-advised, non-researched, sloppy, careless, and unorganized. Those are just a few adjectives to start with; I could go on. I was called to the COS's office yesterday for the first time and I had no clue why. Foolishly, I thought perhaps the opposite was going to happen - perhaps they wanted to use my skills elsewhere in the office. Even as he delivered the news to me, I still thought I was being moved. He says, "We are reorganizing the Constituent Services office so therefore we need to ask you to move....." and instead of the end being, "....to a different area of the office" it was simply the word, "on."  I was stunned to the point where I had absolutely no reaction. I miraculous recovered from whatever confusion I felt and said I understood and that was that.

I walked back to my office fighting tears with little success. In fact, my current supervisor was passing me on the street headed to the office from which I had just left and I didn't even see her. I was just in a fog - desperate to get back to the safety of my private office where I could close the door and call my mommy.  I had called Seth and my mom prior to the meeting with hopes of the meeting being a good sign. I was horrified at how very wrong I had been and could hardly speak to deliever the news to my mom. She was speechless.

I have gone through a range of emotions over this. Of all the employees in my small section of 5, why did they choose me? I'm one of the hardest, loyal, and dedicated workers here. I help others without having to be asked. I pick up the slack when people are out on vacation without having to be asked and I do it all without complaining (at least I save my venting for home and keep it out of work). I don't gossip or waste time socializing at work, yet a new employee comes in, refuses to help answer the phones, refuses to do any work until they tell her her title and how much money she will make, demands an office with a window after 2 months of being here and all the while getting her way. And they chose to let ME go? I just can't come to grips with it and I'm angry.

I've been here 3 years and am in my 4th year. We were told we were "safe" back in January so I had no idea this was even a possibility. I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I'm bitter. Yet I dragged myself into work today just to show them. The transition process has been unbelieveably disappointing. I wish I felt like I was "getting out of jail," but I always assumed I'd get to leave by choice not by force.

This place has been a great learning experience and I have come to appreciate the knowledge I've gained, but I am insulted at being the chosen one to be let go. Hell, I developed anxiety disorder doing this job and they let me go. THANKS A LOT!  Good riddance people!

2 comments:

  1. whaaaaat?? these are scary times...

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