2.09.2010

LAST

Nope, that's not a typo. I'm not trying to write an entry about LOST, sillies. I'm here to announce I'm officially LAST.

What, you ask, am I blabbering about? Well, it seems I'm now officially THE. LAST. ONE. remaining of my Salem friends who has yet to conceive and give birth to offspring. I got an email this morning from the last of us to get married announcing that she is expecting a baby in late July, early August. So I'm last. I was nearly last getting married but as stated in the previous paragraph, I beat out being last by a measly one person. There was 9 of us in this group, so don't go thinking I appear to be whining over a group of 3 or 4. Nope, NINE.

However, contrary to what you might think simply due to the fact that I'm writing about this, I do not care one single, solitary bit about being LAST. For serious. See, I knew I'd get married one day and I did. These things just take time to grow, and for Seth and me that took about 4 some odd years. It was fine though because for a couple of years, there were 3 girls at time getting married back to back to back and it was great fun for us all, but I thought about the brides. Did sharing your wedding month with others take away any of the fun for you? Did you feel less in the spotlight? Did you wish all those other biotches would just WAIT? BACK OFF? GET YOUR OWN MONTH? Maybe you didn't care - if so, good for you!

I am not one for the spotlight, but I did, however, NOT want to get married amongst other weddings. I wanted to be the one wedding that we could get together and it be like "HEY!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!" and I was. And it was nice. I think. The last of our group's wedding came 11 months later and then we closed the chapter on weddings.

Now it's babies. I'm SO far behind my girls, but it doesn't matter. Really it doesn't. I'm not one of those girls who has dreamed of the day she'd have a baby. No way. In fact, I'm quite scared of the process. Afraid of the pain, afraid I'll suck at being a mom, etc, etc, etc. Also, quite scared of kids in general. Kids annoy me in large part although I try to give it a chance with kids of people I know - not that I've really ever seen the kids of people I know. HA. I read mommyblogs and love them. I'm all mixed up with feelings on kiddos I guess.

Anyway, it really doesn't matter to me in what order people have babies. I'm not in a hurry (although my mother feels I should be), and I don't feel like babies are something you rush. I'm happy for all my girlfriends and their many babies (there are 14 in all, soon to be 15 in April, then 16 in July) and I suppose if I am meant to bear young, it will happen at the right time.

Plus, I've got issues to contend with - like going off the 9,000 medications I'm on before trying to have a baby, and seeing what life is like without them (one of my fears at the moment). THEN, I wonder if I'm even capable of conceiving. PCOS says maybe/maybe not. Let's all remember that Kate Gosselin has PCOS and look what that got her. (OH MY). So all of these things don't necessarily allow me to "let nature take its course" in the loosest sense of the phrase. We require a little planning and a little thought.

But let me say, I declared to Seth the other day while standing in the middle of the kitchen, "Let's get this house sold, let's move, let's go on a trip out West in December, then let's have a baby." Hmm. Only time will tell.

1 comment:

  1. I didn't care for babies either, not until my sister had a little girl....the cutest girl--Carrie. I fell in love with her:)

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