5.10.2010

B.A. McFarland

That's me these past few weeks. Bad Attitude McFarland. You know, like Mr. T? Get it?

Anyway, I've had a bad attitude. Mostly, others are to blame. Or should I say my lack of patience with others is to blame. I don't know why, but I've been quite the grump for at least the last month. With our house issues taking us on the roller coaster ride of our lives, I have little to no room for other people's....well, just people.

The best I can explain it is like so: I am VERY logic-minded. My brain sees everything in life as a puzzle and I can usually quickly and easily find a good solution to a problem in a short amount of time. Take for example, the task of packing things into boxes as well as packing boxes into a moving truck or storage unit (as we encountered). My brain automatically says "OK, we've got this limited space, how can we fit these pieces together (items or boxes) using the space in the most efficient manor?" It's just something that happens and that's simply the way I think. My mom says my logical brain would've made me a good attorney, but I'd like to have a life, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, so when things don't match up to the magical puzzle in my head, my brain gets VERY annoyed and irked. It just sees the solution as a mess from hell and it says "That is SO dumb! Who decided to put together that puzzle so sloppily?!?" and in turn, Kelley gets annoyed. As you may well be assuming, this very thing happened when we moved from our house to our storage unit. Seth and I boxed up the truck both times and I was in charge of placing boxes. My eyes just saw how the puzzle needed to go together. However, I was not part of placing the boxes in the storage unit. SO when I saw the results my heart sank a little. DON'T. GET. ME. WRONG. I LOVED the help and appreciated the guys putting all my boxes in the unit, but I just couldn't reconcile their approach to organization in my brain so I was disappointed that it didn't appear as the well-placed puzzle I had envisioned.

This may seem like the dumbest thing in the whole world to be posting about, but this stuff has been eating at me for weeks now. We just moved in not 2 weeks ago, but all this planning I've done in my head has been met with others doing it differently and that's just thrown my little logic brain into a tail-spin. It's made me HIGHLY irritated at folks and less tolerant than I usually am. It's made me over protective of my house and my things and made my desire to be ALONE WITH MY FAMILY (Seth and Three) extremely strong. Just leave me be with the people I am most comfortable with and I'll let you all know when you're welcome again.

We've also been burned so much during the last month, I just don't feel the love. I don't know why, but I just feel like a hermit. I want to be ignored and left alone and asked no questions. That's silly, but I feel like if I talk about ANYTHING that it'll disappear. I've been hurt by family, our buyers, and other folks along the way that have just not treated us as if we matter - as if it matters AT ALL that we may lose a home or a deal may fall through. Things have just hurt. They've stung and again, that's made me a bit bitter and resentful towards others.

I've been avoiding this post all day, but I've just been having a Monday and wanted to throw things out there. I just want some time with my house. We moved in on a Wednesday, I took an extra day off the day after that (unplanned), then that Saturday we spent the day driving to and from Charlotte & IKEA. Then this past weekend we left pretty much right after work to go to Boone & Blowing Rock for Skye's graduation. We got back sometime after 1pm and I took a much needed nap on the sofa with Three and then we went to J&S's house for MY mom's Mother's Day dinner (which was delicious!). I woke up in the middle of the night Saturday in Blowing Rock. I was so homesick. Seth was with me and so was Three, but I just longed for my family and my house. I couldn't wait to be back with my mom and give her the wonderful gift I got her in the mountains.

I think my attitude has been greatly fueled by my lack of feeling like I have TIME to enjoy my new house. I want to get it all straight and put away so I can start doing the things I love to do. This place excites me and he's like a new boyfriend that I can't wait to see everyday after work.

I'll try to do better, but I have lost my patience when it comes to cluelessness. Just open your eyes and think about others before you say or do something that could be hurtful.

2 comments:

  1. I hear ya!! When we moved..I was bad attitude Kadwell. It is stressful and hard not to be organized and what not. Hope the transition gets better! We should hook up sometime..maybe meet for a drink in downtown Apex?!?

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