Keepin' It Real

I just need to vent today. So here goes my list of gripes and/or concerns and/or other bad things I feel like saying.

1. My new job duties. I am actually rather enjoying my new job duties and all the "perks" it comes with (such as not having to sit up front, freedom to go to the bathroom and lunch breaks when I want, etc, etc.), it's amazing what a different world I've been exposed to now that I'm working "behind the curtain."

When I was at the front desk, I was shielded from the majority of the office drama and interpersonal issues. Sure, I was the one that others came to to vent, but I just listened and moved on because none of it affected me. Until now. Things aren't bad, but I just hear so much more about different points of conflict and honestly, it can bring you down some days.

To me there are 2 kinds of workers: 1. The Know-it-all Power Player and 2. The Humble Team Player. I sum that up nicely, huh? This is mostly the kinds of folks I've had the pleasure (or displeasure) of working with. I'm sure there's quite a middle ground of people out there, too. I really don't get the Power Players. I just can't see the value in looking out only for yourself in a work situation. Why do some people have a goal of being in charge? Why do they take credit for your work? Why do they hold you back when you are clearly a better, smarter, and more professional worker than they are? (Ooops, got a little carried away there. That question was specific to one person. You jerk.) It can be really damaging to an otherwise successful office to be territorial with one's assignments. It can be even more damaging when communication lacks. It's just sort of hard to come into a different world, but right now, I'm not in the middle and have the best chance to make positive changes and suggestions and I'm hoping that will come soon.

2. Family (or lack thereof): As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm feeling sad. Sad that I really have no sense of family. Sad that my remaining family puts no value on family or that they pick and chose which family members they prefer to spend time with and leave the others out in the cold.

When I was growing up, Thanksgiving and Christmas were usually spent the same way every year. Lunch with my grandparents on my Dad's side in Fayetteville, then dinner with my family on my Mom's side in Raleigh. My dad was an only child so there wasn't much family on his side. My mom had 2 brothers and they had children so her side of the family was much larger and much more lively. My maternal grandmother was sort of the cornerstone of our family get-togethers as my maternal grandfather died when I was very young. We often had our traditional spaghetti dinners on Christmas Eve at her house, and my mom would usually do Thanksgiving dinner at her house.

As the years went on, we started to do things ever-so-differently. Thanksgiving remained at my mom's house, but Christmas moved to one of my Uncle's house since they had the youngest kids who still wanted to spend Christmas day with all their new toys. Plus, they had a bigger house and it worked out just fine.

But as even more years have gone by, folks have gotten divorced, separated, married, had more kids, been brain-injured by Dook doctors, grandparents have died and naturally, things have changed. It's been OK for a few years, but this year just seems like it's really going to stink and I know I should be feeling THANKFUL for all that I have, but it's hard when you feel like with everything you have, your family, that should be your rock, is slipping away and I'm the only one that seems to care.

Last year, I even missed Thanksgiving with my family. The McF's decided to try going to PA for Thanksgiving rather than Christmas and I thought giving up Thanksgiving with my family was worth having time at home after Christmas. It was a nice trip and nice to be home after Christmas, but it just wasn't the same missing Thanksgiving with my family. It's nice to spend holidays with the McF's because their family is fun and happy and "together." We play games, talk, go shopping, go visiting, go eating, and it's like the family I never had. I have felt so included with them since day one, but a part of me missing having family of my own during that time.

So this year I thought it'd be normal again. How wrong I was. Maybe it'll be good, but I'm worried. I'm worried my mom and dad are getting swept under the rug by other members of my family. I'm worried no one but me cares that they feel included, loved, and most importantly WANTED! I'm hosting the McF's at our house this year for lunch. I'm very much looking forward to entertaining for the holidays at our new house, but I realized my parent's have slipped through the cracks for dinner plans. I'm so sad for my mom. I don't want her to lose her traditions, or not get to celebrate the way she wants to. She's lunching with us now, and I hope it's enough for her. I worry that the rest of the family couldn't care less what she does or with whom she does it on Thanksgiving and that's absolutely contrary to the spirit of the holidays!

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one (along with my mom) who even gives a crap about keeping our family together. I never thought we'd get to this point, but I see so much selfishness (and no, I'm not claiming to be a perfect angel of giving) and it makes me angry. I don't understand not being supportive of family, or not making effort to see family, or not being interested in gathering as family. I think one day it'll be me and my mom and that makes me sad.

3. Honest blogging. I love to read blogs. I read mostly design blogs to build my arsenal of creative ideas, both purchased and DIY, for my own home. Recently, a brave blogger friend (and former RA!) blogged the most honest blog entry I've read in a while...and it was GREAT! I'd rather read her honest blogging any day of the week over the sugar-coated, cherry on top, crap that a lot of bloggers post. You're not kidding anyone with your sparkly posts. No one has as great of a life as you are trying to portray!

If you think about it, why do reality shows do so well? Because they KEEP IT REAL. Think Real Housewives - those ladies just let it fly if they are mad, they share their personal struggles, and they don't make life out to be diamonds and dollar bills. (Please don't think I'm dumb enough to think some of it's not staged or egged on or encouraged, but the drama is rooted in something real).

I've just been really annoyed with some blogs I read that seem to brag about what they've got, how great they are doing, how awesome their product is, and honestly, those are some of the most boring blogs. Who wants to read HEY LOOK AT ME! LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT! I'M SO TALENTED! LOOK WHAT I MADE! LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT! HOW GREAT ARE MY KIDS? HOW AWESOME IS MY HUSBAND? Really?! Yeah, we all feel that way from time to time and want to share it, but ALL the time? IDTS. It's not real and it makes other bloggers (like myself) feel like whiny pants when we DO have something real to share. So we sugar-coat and then we hate ourselves later. I like to read the dirt! Given me some Betty Draper, Season 2 kind of stuff!

4. Money. UGH. I hate money. I'm making about $300 more per month in my new job which isn't a lot but really helps. I hate hearing talk about how horrible a state our nation is going to be in during the next few years, about how State Government employees are going to lose their jobs, etc, etc.

With the recent elections and the change in the power in some houses from Democrat to Republican, it's going to be interesting. Like I say, I'll let the Republicans who unseated a Democrat have their 15 minutes to gloat and say, "THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!!" blah blah blah, but the truth is, if they can't fix it either, then we're just going to have yet another turn over in 2 years. I don't care what party you belong to, just fix this mess.

5. Thanksgiving 2010. There's been lots of bad things happen to good people this year.

1. The Silliman Family, whose son was murdered by his classmates, bravely sat through the horror of the trial of one of the accused. This family goes to our church, and the mother is now attending my Bible study. She seems to be a wonderful woman of God and one of amazing strength, too.
2. A young father accidentally ran over his 18 month daughter the other week. She later died in the hospital. How brokenhearted will that family be for life? It's hard to imagine as someone without children, so I can't imagine the pain they are going through.
3. The oil spill in the Gulf. Nuff said.
4. The earthquake in Haiti (and others across the globe).
5. The trapped Chilean miners.
6. My mom's good friend's husband being diagnosed with a glioblastoma (brain tumor like Ted Kennedy's) and having to undergo 30 weeks of radiation treatment.

At the same time, there have been many reasons to give thanks this year, and with this list, I will close out my rant.

1. The Silliman Family prevailed at trial and saw all the accused be sentenced justly.
2. The trapped Chilean miners survived underground and we saw them all come out alive.
3. My mom's friend's husband is more than halfway through his radiation, still able to work a few hours a day, blood work is reading in normal levels, has a decent amount of energy. Only seems to be losing hair at the radiation site. So far, so good.
4. Seth and I were blessed with a beautiful new home in a town we both love and feel comfortable in.
5. I got a new job ... and then a promotion (all within 9 months).
6. I (bravely) joined a Tuesday night Bible study in September and from that night on, I've felt closer to God than I ever have, and the most desire to attend church, get involved, and meet people at the church than I ever have. Thanks to one person who reached out to me the day after I told Seth we should seek our own church, she made me feel welcome and brave and I'm so glad God sent her my way. Thanks Sara!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks girl! I keep realizing how more and more was are alike! I've always found your blog to be open and honest and really appreciate it. I am so glad to hear that your bible study is going well, it is refreshing to find something that lets you let your guard down (I'm still working on it..). I am thinking and praying for you and your fam. Family is so hard sometimes! I hope the holidays give you some rest and that it is as stress less as it can be :)

    Side note: We should grab some coffee - we do live like 5 min. away from each other :)

    Thanks for sharing!