While I have a few minutes before the morning mail hits my desk, I have some news to share. It's not the good kind of news, unfortunately, it's the bad kind of news.
Tuesday evening as we were watching our DVR'd shows, Seth was browsing on his iPhone per usual. I never know what he's looking at on there and he does it for long periods of time. I used to ask what he was looking at, now I don't ask as often. But suddenly he piped up and shared with me what he was looking at with the preface of, "I don't know if this is good or bad for you but..." and then proceeds to tell me he's looking at a committee document that proposes transferring three positions from my current division to another state agency and eliminating six positions from my current division. And then there was silence.
Do the math. 3+6 = 9. We actually have 8 employees in our division. The 9th person was actually promoted shortly after I started this job and while he still has a hand in our business, he's not full time with our division so he probably won't be affected by this change. However, again, going back to the math, it seems our division has been proposed to be completely demolished.
How did I get here? How did I get in the position of ANOTHER one of my jobs being eliminated? How can this be happening? All the while, my husband has been worrying about losing HIS job because of rumors of being outsourced?
For a while there, it seemed I was actually the safe one. Then overnight it's almost the opposite without question. I'm staring down the barrel of a gun whose sole purpose is to render me unemployed. Again? Maybe if I hadn't taken a job working with Satan for a supervisor the first time around, I wouldn't know what it was like to be let go from a job. But I know. I have only been re-employed for 14 months. I'm not ready to go through that ordeal again. I'm not ready for my husband to possibly lose his job.
It's kind of hurtful because when you have to tell people you lost your job, it's hard not to assume they are wondering what you did to get let go. In both situations, it hasn't been my fault. My first "letting go" was thanks to a snake of a supervisor who (in hindsight) was so jealous and threatened by me, she did all she could to mess with my life and my career. This time, it's purely the work of someone who doesn't even know us or know what this division does or what kind of people we have. This was done by someone outside of the entire department even. It sucks. People calling the shots about your life and work without a clue. Without a care. They just see dollars and they know they have to lessen the amount of them that goes out.
Needless to say we're kinda scared. We're definitely depressed. And we're for sure on an emotional roller coaster. One that's stopped at the top of the tallest, steepest hill, and all we can do is stare down the hill and wonder when the car is going to drop and we're going to plummet to the bottom.